本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛这篇句法简单,缺乏变化,谴词造句有待打磨。中文思维痕迹明显。表达上甚至似乎有些比较生硬的直译。
简单看第一段。
-----Her parents loved her very much, but they didn't have time to take care of her. => Her parents loved her very much, but had little time to care for her.
我不能说你错了。但是我觉得不够地道。
didn't have time => had little time 细微的差别。take care of 和 care for差不多的意思。平时也常见used interchangeably. 但是我觉得这个文章用care for比较好。细微的差别。
-----They were too busy with their work and business.
是指你父母有自己的business吗?还是来自中文的工作和事业?这么问是我觉得几十年前有自己的business是比较罕见的事。不排除我孤陋寡闻。如果确实,当我没说。否则是否该写成:
They were too busy with their work and career.
-----After she was 4-year-old, she started to stay in the kindergarten all the time => After she turned 4 years old, she was sent to a boarding kindergarten, only going home on weekends.
这句话有几个问题。比较chinglish.
1. 4-year-old可以作noun 或 adjective。作noun,要有冠词。
e.g She is just a 4-year-old. The 4-year-old is drawing (within a context).
作adjective
e.g She is a 4-year-old girl.
2. After she was (a) 4-year-old (After she was 4 years old)
After she was ... 用在这象中文思维
3. she started to stay in the kindergarten all the time.
a.什么叫stay in the kindergarten all the time?是指周末才回家的全托?这种说法不地道,而且confusing.
b.She started. 且不说4岁孩子做不了这个主,就是让她做,联系下文,这也不是她的主观选择,这种句法完全不能表达她的被动无奈
4. only going home on weekends这一句加不加,看audience. 好处在于如果audience不了解的话,提供更多信息,区别于那种一个月才回一次的,而且承接下文she missed her parents.
-----She took all suggestions from her parents and teachers, followed all instructions, and made all the efforts to be a good child. =>She listened to her parents and teachers, followed all instructions and rules, and tried her best to be a good child.
稍显生硬。用简单说法即可。
-----In her little heart, making trouble to her parents was the last thing to do => In her little heart, making trouble for parents was the last thing to do.
"making trouble for parents"是general的行为指代. 读起来更顺畅. 不同意的话,至少介词要改。
-----she wanted her parents to focus their valuable time on their work and family,
4,5岁的孩子觉悟这么高?还能want父母focus on 工作?当然你写的是你自己,你觉得是就是。我的看法这个表述不准确。
而且这话看起来好熟悉。"把宝贵的时间用在工作和家庭"。中译英?
还有,逻辑上,连孩子都没时间管,什么叫focus on ... work and family? 你不就是family最重要的一部分?
连睬带蒙:
She understood that parents had to focus on their work and provide for the family.
-----She made that! She was always a perfect child. => And she did just that! She had always been a perfect child.
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尊重你的版权,尽量不大改。俺也是在学习。意见不同没有关系。
She was born in a middle-class family in China. Her parents loved her very much, but had little time to care for her. They were too busy with their work and career. After she turned 4 years old, she was sent to a boarding kindergarten, only going home on weekends.
She missed her parents, and she wanted to please them. She listened to her parents and teachers, followed all instructions and rules, and tried her best to be a good child. In her little heart, making trouble for parents was the last thing to do. She understood that her parents had to focus on their work and provide for the family. She wanted them to be happy. And she did just that! She had always been a perfect child.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net