See inside -nothanks(ciel) @亚特兰大华人论坛:亚特兰大枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Atlanta

工作学习 / 外语学习 / 想做演讲的时候说这段话，但是翻译的不好，想请高手给翻译一些。在线等，万分感激。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 {306} (#7905768@0)
两个星期前的演讲比赛仿佛就在昨天，我为各位的精彩表现感到impressive，为能在这个人才济济的地方工作而感到自豪，祝贺所有进到决赛的参赛者，同时也为没有进到决赛的参与者感到遗憾。你们的表现也非常出色，会被大家记住的。重在参与这句话并不只存在于奥林匹克运动中，而且是向其他人传达了这样一个信息“我们也可以做得到”。

... -mikesmith(老猫); 2012-11-17 {428} (#7905779@0)
I was so impressed by everyone's performance in the last presentation tournament. It was like yesterday...I love it..I am so proud to be peers of such talents in this work place. Congratulations to all those in the final match and i am sure all of us will remember the excellent performance of those who don't. "Participation is more important than winning the games" ...."Yes we can!" is not something only Obama can say!

翻译的很好, 简洁达意, 我给100分. 不过要是酱油哥只给80你也别生气啊. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905785@0)

刚才那个回不了，只能显示more. 没有reply.真的翻译的太好了，我是琢磨了很久很久，写的还是很烂。这个我感觉比我想的翻译的还要精确!!但是有一个小问题，演讲比赛用speech context好还是presentation tournament好？还是都是一个意思？ -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7905789@0)

好像不完全一样. 个人感觉在你的上下文里speech context更好. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905791@0)

Yup....contest... -mikesmith(老猫); 2012-11-17 (#7905792@0)

Thanks...not that good I m afraid...but glad I can help -mikesmith(老猫); 2012-11-17 (#7905793@0)

An action of help outperforms many fluffy words. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905811@0)
为什么扯上08呢？他原文里没有啊。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905828@0)

Yes I can! -mikesmith(老猫); 2012-11-17 (#7905835@0)

翻译切忌意气用事啊。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905838@0)

翻译要忠实于原文，即使翻译者不认同原文的表达或观点，本人的译文见内。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 {621} (#7905857@0)
The wonderful performances of those who participated in the speech contest two weeks ago were so impressive that they make me feel this event just took place yesterday.

I am proud of beng able to work in a place enpowered by so many professional elites. My congratulations go to all those who have made it to the final. At the same time, I feel regretful for those who couldn't make it. Your performances were also very outstanding and will be remembered.

"It is the participation that counts". Not only does this saying apply to the Olympic Games, but also it sends a message to other people: "We can do it"

very good indeed -mikesmith(老猫); 2012-11-17 (#7905860@0)

多谢！老猫是个写起来挥洒自如的选手。：） -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905922@0)

不好, 太书面话语言, 像是在搬着语法教科书翻译出来的. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905867@0)

Well, this is what the original message appeared to be and meant. By bitching on the messenger, you are just being opinionized. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905875@0)

No so to me though. Thanks anyways. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905881@0)

同意一下。酱油哥的翻译有堆砌的感觉，句子结构也过于复杂。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905884@0)

酱油哥是托福满分的主吧? 那种句子在生活和工作中少有, 连报纸杂志都得到书评等专栏去找. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905894@0)

其实不少有，也许你没听到过。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905915@0)

嗯, 在您的圈子里. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905919@0)

for you, of course -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905896@0)
I have to say that being loyal to the original is a very important quality, which jiangyou has well demonstrated. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 (#7905908@0)

你的翻译很棒，虽然没有紧跟原文。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905918@0)

知道吴青老师吗? 担心姐就是:-) -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905921@0)

俺井底之蛙，谁是吴青老师？担心姐是会计坛的版主，很多人认识的，不用猜。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905928@0)

井底之蛙是我. 真不知道担心姐是会计坛版主. 吴青是北外教授, 最早大概是80年代初吧和陈林教授一起在中央台教英语的. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905934@0)

真的么？担心姐的英语国内的人没法比。不是一个档次的。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905967@0)

其实不少有，也许你没听到过。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 09:54 (#7905915@0) :-) 吴青老师的口语非常好啊. 北外北大有一些老牌教授, 多数是留过学的, 英语很好的. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905979@0)
对不起, 我不是版主, 也无幸有吴青这样的名师. 谢谢你们的鼓励, 我继续改进! -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 (#7905980@0)

By the way opinionated is a better word there. 你用的词意思完全不同的. 这个失误太大了. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7905885@0)

that's true..you got it right on this one. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905898@0)

而且也没有象酱油哥所说的忠实原文，比如原文里就没有 professional elites，也没有 enpowered。另外这个 couldn't make it 容易让人误会。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905916@0)

那你能否在英文里找个可以与“人才济济”更相近的表达？ -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905930@0)

大家都用 talented/talent，你为什么就不能用呢？原文既没有 professional，也没有 elites，这两个词纯粹是无中生有。担心姐虽然没有紧跟原文，但是她的加减在意思上没有违背原文。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7905976@0)

“人才济济”指的就是各个专业（profession）领域的优秀，中坚，精华人物（Elite）聚集一处（这里就是work place)。自然的结果就是这个地方的实力得到壮大（enpowered）. 所以本人认为这是个自然而又精确的对应。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 {68} (#7906007@0)
不过你等有指鹿为马的天赋，和你们探讨问题实属。。。。。（略去若干字）

酱油哥的确在有些方面很出众, 其中之一是不是就是老虎屁股摸不得吧? -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906047@0)

酱油哥不能接受批评啊，难怪不敢上音频。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7906057@0)

不上音频另有原因，与水平无关。在下对坦诚，中肯，正确的批评从来都持欢迎态度。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7906079@0)

假如你的"坦诚，中肯，正确的批评"标准和对大多数人一样或相近. 你不是音频我和肉友就是对你持怀疑态度. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906097@0)
俺没有说你口语水平，俺是说你怕被批评。这个“人才济济”你真是错了，说俺“指鹿为马”，还省略若干字，可以看出你的不满。如果上了音频还被人批评，那你还怎么受得了啊。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7906108@0)

本人已经解释得很清楚为何要那么翻译，你只是在不断地说那么翻译不对，而又给不出令人信服的更好的译法，你是“对人不对事”的典型了。在下不是不满，而是根本不认同你的评论。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7906137@0)

俺已经给出更好的译法了，只是你生气看不见。另外你因为太生气，俺的观点你根本就没有考虑，要不然你至少可以象你劝刺哥那样 google 一下。如果你 google 了，你就会同意俺了，也就不会生气了。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907217@0)

和刺头一样，你也没有修行到能够另本人生气的段位. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907446@0)

显摆你好像懂围棋? 其实你什么懂得的, 就是有时候不知所以然. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907464@0)

You two are only capable of making me laugh at you. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907467@0)

Can you ever laugh? That would be really a miracle. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907472@0)

生气了就承认嘛，没有什么不好。网友生气，往往一两个词俺就能看得出来。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907493@0)

酱油哥很可能是打入敌人内部的GD间谍, 不能漏声的. 他的声音可能是被监听监控的. 如果真是这样, 我就不再比他了. 救人一命胜造七级浮屠啊! 不过酱油哥要证实一下才行的. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906149@0)

没那么严重。本人是网络和现实分得很清的那种。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7906155@0)

网络是生活的缩影, 虚拟世界是现实社会的写真, 你给的原因很苍白, 很牵强, 很不令人信服. 对不起酱油哥, 我还会继续逼你的. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906173@0)

俺明白了，酱油哥是怕被人认出来。今天有一个MM上来说，对某位男同学很有好感，后来发现他在网上的言行，十分不喜欢。俺理解酱油哥。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7906178@0)

一定将革命进行到底, 誓把酱油哥逼上梁山. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906184@0)

你这样就不厚道了。没准现在也有一个MM喜欢酱油哥呢，他一上音频，岂不是坏了大事。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 (#7906194@0)

I don't mean to criticize you, but I think it would probably make more sense to say the following instead: -ordinaryone(ok); 2012-11-19 {464} (#7908824@0)
"Well, this is what the original message appeared to mean. Don't shoot the messenger. "

Or if you really want to stress your message, you could say :

"Well, this is what the original message appeared to be and mean. Don't blame it on the messenger."

What you wrote was mostly fine (except it is bitching about, not bitching on), but chances are a lot of people won't understand you the first time you say it. That's why people say :"pardon me."

rolia真是卧虎藏龙啊，一个比一个精彩。我都不知道说什么好了，太惭愧了，俺混了这么多年，英文还是这么烂。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7905870@0)
酱油兄翻译得真不错,精确,优美,也最忠实原文. 鸡蛋里面只有一个微小骨头可以挑挑. 在英语里面讲究 "头轻脚重". 太长的主语尽量避免,要想办法挪后面去, 前面用IT 虚指. 除此之外, 我都学习啦! -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 (#7905889@0)

多谢夸奖。您很谦虚。忠于原作是我翻译的风格，其实也是翻译的准则之一。翻译和原创毕竟是两回事。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905912@0)

给酱油哥提个意见。。。。头一段太长了。。。。读起来吃力滴很。。。。要是俺。。。。大声读到yesterday就断气咧。。。。 -tigar25(大忽悠之准备冬眠); 2012-11-17 {20} (#7906027@0)
除非小声嘀咕。。。。

会“断句”就不会"断气", 全文就这一句长点，其实结构很简单。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7906041@0)

#7906047@0 -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-17 (#7906048@0)

我来试一试,非直译, 欢迎大家讨论辩证. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 {940} (#7905868@0)
两个星期前的演讲比赛仿佛就在昨天，我为各位的精彩表现感到impressive，为能在这个人才济济的地方工作而感到自豪，祝贺所有进到决赛的参赛者，同时也为没有进到决赛的参与者感到遗憾。你们的表现也非常出色，会被大家记住的。重在参与这句话并不只存在于奥林匹克运动中，而且是向其他人传达了这样一个信息“我们也可以做得到”。

The speech contest we had two weeks ago remains a freshest memory of mine. I am much impressed by everyone's excellent delivery of the speech and I feel proud to be working with you, each of whom is so talented in your own way.

I sincerely congratulate all the finalists and wish them good luck! I would also like to say a big bravo to all the participants to this contest. Your speeches impressed me and I will remember how I enjoyed each of them.

I cheer for all of us for our spirit of taking part, because, in addition to seeking excellence, proudly we have shared and promoted a key message, i.e. "We can do it!".

这怎么感觉都加入文学色彩了呢？太精彩了。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7905878@0)
If I were to have someone to translate an important message to another language that I am not familiar with at all, I wouldn't expect the translator to paraphrase anything. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905893@0)

Good point. Well taken! -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 (#7905910@0)
大家讨论这么热烈，干脆把我的整个演讲稿的主要内容一起拿出来，请大家帮忙改正吧。决赛拿不到第一的话，真的给多伦多的朋友们丢脸啊。预赛才是第二。感觉发音是很标准的，就是稿子写得太差了。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 {2772} (#7905911@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛我的这篇文章可能写得太过简单，语法也很多错误，请大家多多改正。

Alright, my name is zhangdongnan, call me jimmy if you like, I was graduated from seneca college back in 2007, after that, I’ve been living in Canada for over 4 years, I’ve worked in many places like restaurants, computer stores and cable company, you name it. But, I couldn't find where my future is, i don't want to be called pizza guy or cable guy for the rest of my life. I was working 10 hours everyday, but still feel empty, so, I ask myself, how can my career feel more fulfilling? How can I find more meaning in my life? I think the answer is quite clear, let’s go back to china, with my knowledge, my skill, and my responsibility. i can do something more.
So by 2011, i came back to shenyang, my hometown, and became a member of this big family. The manager of my department assigned me to the operating room right away, and let me be responsible for surgical equipment maintains and repairs including surgical lights, monitors, microscopes and a lot more. It’s a very important and exciting challenge, in the first few months, I learned a lot from our senior engineers and also read many books about surgical equipment, slowly; I start to get familiar with this job. To be honest with you, I was a little bit scared of stepping into the OR at the first time, all my impression about it is blood all over the floor, nurse’s shouting and patient’s crying. But, guess what, it’s not that bad, on the contrary, our new OR is so clean and quiet, you could actually just stay in there, watching surgeons moving there magical hands, to save the most valuable thing of the world – life, and my job is to make sure that every single machine would work properly. nobody could notice our existence in this holy place, they are too busy, and our achievement may not as obvious as doctors and nurses, but whenever they need help; we will be the first one to show up.
Besides, I’m also in charge of the medical dispatch-tube system, it's a new system which allows two stations to send files or pills between each other swiftly, from ICU to pharmacy, from OR to clinical laboratory, so our nurses no longer need to walk there anymore, they can spend more time and pay more attention on patients. The system has been used over 27000 times in the last year, it's amazing.
just before i finish, I have to say that our leadership is always thinking ahead of it’s time, they send 3 of my colleagues and me to Japan on September 30th, to learn their advanced central management system, if the new system could actually be used in here, we can save millions of dollars each year. I really appreciate for this opportunity, in return, I can promise you i will spare no effort to serve our hospital.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

挺好的。给你改几个小错。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-17 {413} (#7906219@0)
I was graduated from => I　ｇｒａｄｕａｔｅｄ　ｆｒｏｍ

surgical equipment maintains and repairs　＝＞　ｍａｉｎｔｅｎｅｎｃｅ

get familiar ＝＞　ｂｅｃｏｍｅ　ｆａｍｉｌｉａｒ

a little bit scared of stepping into　＝＞　ｓｃａｒｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｓｔｅｐ　ｉｎｔｏ

to send files or pills between each other　＝＞ to each other

I really appreciate for this opportunity =>　appreciate this opportunity

谢谢，这些很有用，我自己就什么都挑不出来。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7906411@0)

几点意见,主要是从语言质量以简洁为上这个角度来考虑供你参考. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 {6858} (#7906270@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛原文:

Alright, my name is zhangdongnan, call me jimmy if you like, I was graduated from seneca college back in 2007, after that, I’ve been living in Canada for over 4 years, I’ve worked in many places like restaurants, computer stores and cable company, you name it. But, I couldn't find where my future is, i don't want to be called pizza guy or cable guy for the rest of my life. I was working 10 hours everyday, but still feel empty, so, I ask myself, how can my career feel more fulfilling? How can I find more meaning in my life? I think the answer is quite clear, let’s go back to china, with my knowledge, my skill, and my responsibility. i can do something more.
So by 2011, i came back to shenyang, my hometown, and became a member of this big family. The manager of my department assigned me to the operating room right away, and let me be responsible for surgical equipment maintains and repairs including surgical lights, monitors, microscopes and a lot more. It’s a very important and exciting challenge, in the first few months, I learned a lot from our senior engineers and also read many books about surgical equipment, slowly; I start to get familiar with this job. To be honest with you, I was a little bit scared of stepping into the OR at the first time, all my impression about it is blood all over the floor, nurse’s shouting and patient’s crying. But, guess what, it’s not that bad, on the contrary, our new OR is so clean and quiet, you could actually just stay in there, watching surgeons moving there magical hands, to save the most valuable thing of the world – life, and my job is to make sure that every single machine would work properly. nobody could notice our existence in this holy place, they are too busy, and our achievement may not as obvious as doctors and nurses, but whenever they need help; we will be the first one to show up.
Besides, I’m also in charge of the medical dispatch-tube system, it's a new system which allows two stations to send files or pills between each other swiftly, from ICU to pharmacy, from OR to clinical laboratory, so our nurses no longer need to walk there anymore, they can spend more time and pay more attention on patients. The system has been used over 27000 times in the last year, it's amazing.
just before i finish, I have to say that our leadership is always thinking ahead of it’s time, they send 3 of my colleagues and me to Japan on September 30th, to learn their advanced central management system, if the new system could actually be used in here, we can save millions of dollars each year. I really appreciate for this opportunity, in return, I can promise you i will spare no effort to serve our hospital.

总得来说, 一一定要注意时态正确和一致,　二要注意名词要通常戴个帽,定冠词,不定冠词不能省, 三要大写 "I", 四要正确使用标点符号.　Good luck in the final!

具体来说:

1.from seneca college --> from the Seneca College

2. back in 2007, after that, I’ve been living in Canada for over 4 years, I’ve worked in many places like --> "back" is not necessary. I lived in Canada for 5 years. I had worked at many places.

3. But, I couldn't find where my future is,--> Yet I could not envision my future well.

4. I was working 10 hours everyday, but still feel empty, --> I worked 10 hours everyday, but I still felt empty.

5 so, I ask myself, how can my career feel more fulfilling? --> you career does not "feel", human beings "feel". So I asked myself, "how can I step up in my career? How can I make my life more meaningful? The answer was clear to me : go back to China.

6. i can do something more.--> I can do more.

7. So by 2011 --> so in 2011,

8. and let me be responsible for surgical equipment maintains and repairs including surgical lights, monitors, microscopes and a lot more. --> and put me in charge of maintenance and repair work of the company's surgical equipment such as a, b, and C.

9. also read many books about surgical equipment, slowly; --> if you read "many" books, how can you read "slowly"? Is it relevant here whether you read slowly or quickly? Say, I also read many books about surgical equipment.

10. To be honest with you, --> not the best to use this phrase, as if you you are not honest in other matters. Suggest that you say "Frankly, or to be honest, (do not follow with "with you").

11. I was a little bit scared of stepping into the OR at the first time --> do most audience know what "OR" is? If not, say it in full term, at least for the first time you mention it.

12. you could actually just stay in there, watching--> use "watch"

13. to save the most valuable thing of the world – life, --> delete "to"

14. nobody could notice our existence in this holy place, they are too busy, and our achievement may not as obvious as doctors and nurses, but whenever they need help; we will be the first one to show up. --> Compared to the doctors and nuerses, mechanical engineers' presence was not the most obvious in an hectic life-saving environment, but we would usually be the first ones to show up to take care of the equipment before the doctors and nurses took care of the patients.

15. so our nurses no longer need to walk there anymore--> so our nurses no longer needed to walk to (what room? be clear)thus having more time to...

16. The system has been used over 27000 times in the last year, it's amazing. --> do you mean its continous error-free performance has been amazing?

17 just before i finish, I have to say that our leadership is always , --> why "just" is needed here? "I have to say" is less appropriate than "I must say"

18. thinking ahead of it’s time --> who is "it"? Do you mean: I must say that senior management has been visionary so as to have foreseen the needs of staff training and development.

19: 3 of my colleagues --> 3 colleagues

20 they send and me to Japan on September 30th, to learn their advanced central management system, --> who is the first "they"? whose is the second "theirs"? Be clear. "Learn" a language or methodology, but "study" a machine or system.

21. if the new system could actually be used in here, --> not very clear. Did you mean: If the central management system can be used to command and integrate our various medical equipment, it can reduce operating costs by millions of dollars.

22. in return, I can promise you i will spare no effort to serve our hospital. --> "in return" sounds 露骨，　sounds like you mean if people vote you number one, you will spare no efforts and otherwise, you won't do so. LOl. Can you say, I would like to devote all my passion, skills, and expereince to such an dynamic business and a great cause together with my awesome colleagues and our visionery leaders and I very much appreciate your support!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

非常感谢，我慢慢吸收一下。估计预赛上去说了那么多病句，丢人啦。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7906412@0)
"ounds like you mean if people vote you number one, you will spare no efforts and otherwise, you won't do so. LOl. " 哈哈。有道理 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7906423@0)
Could it be a typo? I thought it should be "Seneca College", not "the Seneca College"... -ordinaryone(ok); 2012-11-19 (#7908745@0)

不知为何，everyone 这个词说的快一点就咬不准音，要非常慢，甚至特意停顿一下才行。有人也跟我一样吗？ -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7905932@0)

很多国人容易把"v"漏掉。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-17 (#7905938@0)

有什么办法可以说好这个词吗？感觉说了不管多少遍，准就不能快，快就一定不准。我看女士这个词的发音倒是又快又准，不知道为什么，因人而异吗？ -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7905952@0)

V 这个音要有, 但要非常非常轻巧, 把重音放在E音上,清脆响亮地发, V就带出来了. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-17 (#7905988@0)

谢谢大家伙的帮助，争取决赛拿第一啊。 -motorolae1(motorolae1); 2012-11-17 (#7906065@0)

See inside -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 {2324} (#7907078@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛1. “The speech contest we had two weeks ago remains a freshest memory of mine”
==> Very awkward, and if you want to use “fresh”, you can change it to “still remains fresh in my memory.”

2. “I am much impressed by everyone's excellent delivery of the speech and I feel proud to be working with you, each of whom is so talented in your own way.”
==> Since it took place two days ago, therefore, past tense is more appropriate here; “delivery” is not necessary; if this is a speech, you’d better use short sentences to add some effects and fluency of the speech; I am also baffled at “in your own way”, not quite sure what you are trying to emphasize.

3. “I sincerely congratulate all the finalists and wish them good luck! I would also like to say a big bravo to all the participants to this contest. Your speeches impressed me and I will remember how I enjoyed each of them.”
==> In this paragraph “sincerely” is not necessary, because no one is insincerely congratulating others in his/her speech; “wish them good luck!” is not in the Chinese version.

4. “I cheer for all of us for our spirit of taking part, because, in addition to seeking excellence, proudly we have shared and promoted a key message, i.e. "We can do it!".
==> This paragraph is also drifting quite far from Chinese version.

So, building on what you have done, we have another version:

两个星期前的演讲比赛仿佛就在昨天，我为各位的精彩表现感到impressive，为能在这个人才济济的地方工作而感到自豪，祝贺所有进到决赛的参赛者，同时也为没有进到决赛的参与者感到遗憾。你们的表现也非常出色，会被大家记住的。重在参与这句话并不只存在于奥林匹克运动中，而且是向其他人传达了这样一个信息“我们也可以做得到”。
The speech contest we had two weeks ago still remains quite fresh in my memory. I was very impressed by your oration and I feel very proud of working with you. You are so talented.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate all the finalists, and at the same time, I feel very sorry for those who did not make it to the final. But your performance was by no means less outstanding and will be remembered.

The saying that the most important thing is your participation, which is not only true in Olympics, but also it is significant in sending a message to others. That is "we also can do it."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

我虽然对这个版本的语言质量不太满意，但在忠实原文这一点上做得还是不错的，值得学习参考。有两点我不同意，原因如下： -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-18 {1020} (#7907088@0)
1。 "still remains" 语义重复。有 still 就不需要用 remains；用remains就不用画蛇添足用 still。

2。我没有直译成＂feel sorry about those who have not make it to the final", 是考虑到东西方的价值观念不同。在西方文化里面，说为了未能胜出的人感到遗憾是个大忌。这又可能给演讲者带来误解。一你这样说否定了裁判的公正和权威；＂ But your performance was by no means less outstanding and will be remembered.", 要这么说，裁判要从椅子上掉下来了。别人没有进决赛，你又遗憾什么呢, 你觉得它们实际上都应该进入决赛吗？何必要如次强调负面的情绪呢？ By no means 是个语义及强的词，原文没有这样的意思，你这么翻，过了。大忌大忌！ It is absolutely not necessary to "feel sorry" for the losers. Such an emotion is neither necessary nor does it sound sincere.

3. 你关于时态的第二点，恕我完全不能同意。时态的用法非如次机械，要准确，但切换与现时与过去时之间要轻巧有理。我那句里面表达的明明是描述现时的状态。

4。最后一段语法乱了。去掉第一个逗号，去掉 which。＂That is..." 不是这么用法，不需要重起一句。＂..., that is, ..." 即可。

同意，担心哥的读起来更舒服一些。不谢哥有点拘泥了，搞得担心哥也开始纠结了，“still remains”没有什么不好。And the vision that was planted in my brain，still remains，within the sound of silence。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907119@0)

In a speech, people tend to keep their sentences short and words simple to have the meaning drilled in the audience. To be pervasive, you have to choose the right words, because they deliver your tone. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907305@0)

俺是说你的 minimalism 有点拘泥了。freshest memory 挺好，sincerely 和 in your own way 都 add value，唯一那个 delivery 你有些道理。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907340@0)

你和天空合写应当最合适了，既忠于原文，又有文采，语法也更严谨。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907163@0)

那个不谢哥是不是就是酱油哥啊? 两个人的法语都那么棒, 连天空都跟我们的不一样. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907171@0)

Sorry, I did not intend to offend you. Just my two cents. Saturday night, can't think clearly. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907206@0)

埃里克的也行, 不过这帖子略让人感到有点儿较劲的味道. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907125@0)

No,that is not what I have intended. I should have shut up. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907208@0)

I am sorry for being so picky. No please don't leave. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907220@0)

I am watching you. Silently. Just kidding. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907294@0)

Stay and speak up please :-). Your comments were worthy of a good discussion. 三人之行, 必有我师. 每个人都有可取之处. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-18 (#7907244@0)

No, I will pass. I don't really have much time for online debating. You guys keep up good work. :) -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907288@0)

最后一段的那个长句是个病句。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907157@0)

How so? Mind sharing your insight? -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907198@0)

Let's come inside. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 {754} (#7907442@0)
You wrote: The saying that the most important thing is your participation, which is not only true in Olympics, but also it is significant in sending a message to others.

By adding "which", you made everything behind it a CLAUSE, which in turn defines the previous part "that the most important thing is your participation". Therefore your main "sentence" is missing its essential component,VERB. Although you wrote a long string of words, it can't even be called as a "sentence".

The proper way of putting it is very simple: drop "which", and "it is" before "significant" as follows:

The saying that the most important thing is your participation is not only true in Olympics, but also significant in sending a message to others.

这个 "Let's come inside." 用的不好, 有歧义. 如果你习惯这么说那也无所谓. -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2012-11-18 (#7907466@0)

My oh my. There is no way I can do a better job. Perhaps "I feel very sorry for those ..." can be replaced by "My heart goes out to those...". Just from cultual perspective, sorry in English does not mean the same. -woodypeony(captain); 2012-11-18 (#7907252@0)

I would reserve "my heart goes out to..." for something truly horrible. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907261@0)

It is a common idiom. If you want to keep the Sorry part in chinese version, it is the closest compromise I feel. Sorry being used here is inappropriate. Just my 2cents or whatever it worths nowadays. -woodypeony(captain); 2012-11-18 (#7907278@0)

你们两位都有道理。俺觉得担心哥的 bravo 用的很好，虽然不是直译。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907334@0)

Agreed. -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907460@0)

也来诹两句： -cactus101(贤锡饭); 2012-11-18 {513} (#7907087@0)

是两个星期前的演讲，不是进行了两个星期的演讲。 -winterstorm(打酱油的); 2012-11-18 (#7907160@0)

改过来了，多谢指正！ -cactus101(贤锡饭); 2012-11-18 (#7907185@0)

除了第一句错了之外，感觉这个版本特别流畅。用词轻重得当。鼓掌！ -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-18 {107} (#7907177@0)
小小改善：参加有几种表达方法。 participate in an event; take part in an event; partaking an event. 供参考。

担心哥太谦虚了。你的版本最好。另外人才是 talent，不是 elite，elite 有特殊的意思。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907186@0)

多谢你的鼓励. 翻译不是我的强项, 我翻得太随意, 稍稍添加篡改了一下原文意思, 这是我的弱点, 确实也是翻译的大忌! 是的, 我也觉得ELITE 这个词, 用的时候要很小心, 因为一不小心,就贬低了其他人, 词是好,就是不 politically right. -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-18 (#7907254@0)

Agree, "elite" is not right for the occasion. -nothanks(ciel); 2012-11-18 (#7907264@0)

elite 要是翻译成汉语的话，应该是精英。毛主席说“不拘一格降人才”，不会说“不拘一格降精英”。另外 elite 有贵族和高人一等的意味。 -wincity(红卫兵); 2012-11-18 (#7907269@0)

真是毛主席的好兵:-)! -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2012-11-18 (#7907285@0)

刚刚看到这一句，又修正了一下。其实，对这段话的背景不是很了解。如果他们是 among the top of their professions，那么关起门来自称 elite 也无可厚非。 -cactus101(贤锡饭); 2012-11-18 (#7908148@0)

谢谢鼓励，我正在纠结这一句呢，多谢不吝赐教！ -cactus101(贤锡饭); 2012-11-18 (#7907212@0)

@Atlanta

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